Jimmy Buffett did it by boat and you can too
Let me take you back to 1977. Yup, the pre Bateman era of yuppies. In Miami, and most of Florida, it was chill central. Pablo Escobar and his ilk had yet to truly sink their claws into paradise. So, it was a much cooler time.
Let’s talk about the main Parrot Head. There’s a reason I use capitals on that nomenclature. Jimmy Buffett, pre-billionaire, before “Margaritaville” and the frozen shrimp empire, was just a guy with a guitar and a boat named Euphoria II. He was busting tables, serving mojitos and trying to score a hit in the keys.
The Jimmy Buffet story goes like this
Buffett was somewhere in the Bahamas. Not in Nassau with the polos and piña coladas. Somewhere real. Somewhere reachable only by fuel can, instinct and the type of nautical buddy who disappears for weekends without telling anyone. They were fishing and drinking Kalik. And they were unreachable.
In other words, they were chasing the dream of smugglers and lowlifes, watching boats with strange cargo make landfall in out of way air strips. And watching sharks and mantas circling their skiff. Basically having a grand old time.
Meanwhile, back on the mainland, “Margaritaville” was exploding. Jimmy had just released the single, well, his agent did. Twitter was not a thing. So, radios – actual ones – were crossed. Jimmy had no idea that the song that would put him on the map had just gone live. Radio stations were melting down. The suits wanted him in New York. The fans were calling in. But Jimmy? Nowhere. He didn’t find out he was famous until he docked back in Florida and some dude in flip-flops at the marina handed him a beer and said, “You made it, man.”
That’the Bahamas-Miami connection in a nutshell. Just close enough to vanish. Just far enough to disappear.
“I have found a home…”
Most people don’t even know about it. This is where that thumbtack of a brother from “Bloodlines” decided to go incognito and start a new life in the series finale. Why? Because, when folks run out of places to, well, run off to, some go the distance and take a dive into the drink and start swimming to the nearest country… In this case, The Bahamas.
Wait, The Bahamas are where?
Let’s clear this up. Most people think The Bahamas are like – out in the Bermuda Triangle somewhere. Wrong. Well, okay, they are. But here’s the thing, so is Florida. We’re all part of that wacky, “What the heck is going on” historical mystery known as the Devil’s Triangle.
- Miami to Bimini? 50 miles.
- Miami to Freeport? 90 miles.
- Miami to Nassau? A little further, but doable if you’ve got rum and time.
For comparison, Disney, miles wise, is farther from Miami than the Bahamas. Yup, check it out. It’s so close you could paddleboard there if you hate yourself. So close that one time, I kid you not, someone tried to use one of those inflatable hamster balls to try to get there.
“Changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes…”
So, how do you get there?
1. The ferry – the civilized pirate route
- From: Fort Lauderdale
- To: Bimini or Freeport
- Operator: Balearia Caribbean
- Cost: $120 round trip
- Time: 2–3 hours
It’s loud and fast and full of people who packed too much. But it gets the job done. You leave in the morning, and by lunch, you’re in international waters eating cracked conch and asking locals if this is the bar Jimmy passed out in. (It isn’t. But they’ll say yes.)
Pro Tip: You will need a passport. This isn’t Key West. Customs will eyeball you like you swallowed a cigar boat.
“Tried to amend my carnivorous habits…”
2. Charter boat – the Buffett method
You, your weird cousin, a boat that may or may not pass inspection and the open sea.
- Cost: The cost varies, and we mean it “depends how drunk the guy renting it to you is”
- Best for: Pretending you’re smuggling something even if it’s just snacks
- Vibe: Salt, sweat and questionable judgment
Note: If you’re actually going to sail, brush up on your Gulf Stream navigation. That blue bastard moves faster than a Tinder date who realizes you don’t own a car.
“Son of a son of a sailor…”
3. Hop on a plane – it’s boring but effective
- Options: BahamasAir, JetBlue, American and tiny charter planes that feel like kites
- Flight time: 45 minutes to 1 hour
- Cost: $150–$250
Yes, yes, yes, it’s technically the fastest. But where’s the drama? You sit in an aluminum tube, drink ginger ale and end up somewhere not nearly as exciting as you thought when you booked it.
“Take it back to the island…”
You’re crossing into pirate waters
Let’s not forget what The Bahamas really are, once the home to the Pirate Republic of Nassau. The stomping ground of Blackbeard, Anne Bonny and a bunch of sweaty cutthroats who drank rum, sank ships and overthrew the British (briefly).
Still operating on island logic: Clocks are optional, drinks are strong and customs officials are very chill until they’re not.
So when you go, go like Jimmy did. Don’t just visit. Disappear. This place is that type of place that sells magnets with screensavers of the beach that says, “That’s how it looks in reality.” And they ain’t blowing smoke. It really is amazing. Like someone installed Photoshop into your eyelids and put it on automatic.
“Wrinkles only go where the smiles have been…”
Things you might see on the way
- A dude with a parrot on his shoulder arguing with a customs agent
- A floating cooler labeled “CIGARS + LOBSTER = YES”
- Your ex, somehow already drunk in Bimini
- A boat that absolutely should not be on the water, captained by a man named Skip
- A perfect beach no one put on TripAdvisor (yet)
“There’s a woman to blame…”
The Bahamas connection
Jimmy Buffett didn’t just get to The Bahamas. He vanished into them. That weekend, when Margaritaville hit number one, he wasn’t on a stage. He was out at sea. That’s the only place that makes sense. And it’s because it’s so close and most people don’t even take it as an option.
To what extent? Well, let this sink in. Even people in Miami, friends of mine, when I tell them that I’m going to the Bahamas for the weekend, they stare at me like I swallowed a monkey and started speaking in tongues.
Have you travelled from Miami to The Bahamas? Tell us about it in the comments!